I don’t usually do this. Summarizing ‘what has been’ and thinking ‘what would be’ in the coming years to come. I am simply not the type. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I do plan my life, but I am not the type who freaks out when things don’t come out as I hoped it would be. I just don’t like to linger on things. Except for some (wallowing days which I chose to put myself into), I think I could pretty much move on easily. My philosophy in life: Things happen for a reason. Or if I couldn’t see a (good) reason now, I know I could think of one later on. We continue to live because we find means and reasons for our existence.
When I was in high school, I have one great plan for myself. To finish college, get a decent job, and ultimately, be rich. I don’t know where did such vigor come from, but at that time, I really thought I would make it at the age of 24 (silly me). Thinking about it now, all I can do is laugh. My plan sounds very predictable or very causal, as my friend would term it. Given enough luck and opportunity, my plan is pretty much doable. Or so, I thought. I did finish college. I did get a job. Other than that, I have nothing. But I am fine with it. Really.
Most of the time, my cynical side gets the better of me that I overlook the good fortunes that come my way. I guess it’s inherent. We, human beings always long for the things that we can’t have. And we tend to cry over the things that we know we can’t have not because it’s impossible but because we simply chose to give up on it. I am like that most of the time.
I simply choose to give up. I don’t want to feel all sappy about it, but I guess we take turns in our ‘misfortunes’. That is the circle of life. Even so, it depends on how we take these misfortunes into something we could work on into something better and hard challenges. And that’s my resolution for 2008, to be less pessimistic and to always try to look beyond the obvious.
Last week, a friend from college sent me a private message into my freindster account. And the message goes:
it seems i dont know you anymore.... but i would like to remember you as my friend who walks with me from UP gate to crossing almost every afternoon during our college days. i really hope we can see each other soon... let's have coffee... even just in LB ...
My first reaction was to laugh. And then I wondered what made her said that. She was my best buddy during college. I said, "was" because after I went to work in Manila, we weren't able to get in touch. Then I wondered. Have I really changed that much? My innerself is screaming a big "NO!" Except for the physical attributes (my hair have gotten long, gained a few pounds) and a deeper and hungry perspective about life, I guess I am pretty much me.
I am planning to cut my hair short. Really short. Hmm. I wonder what my mother's reaction would be. She'd hate me for it. Quite sure.