Will they cry if I die?

I was at Bali Hai last night with friends and co-writers from graduate school. I haven’t seen them for awhile and finding a schedule for us to meet was just a pain in the ass. I am usually not around or someone is. Until last night.

In the midst of those shimmering, gold hanging ornaments and the mood-like atmosphere of Bali, each of us told our stories, vented, updated. I also wanted to vent but had second thoughts about it. I am really selfish when it comes to sharing my deepest thoughts in a crowd. I get intimidated by the anticipated reactions. I wanted to tell them what has been bothering me for the longest time, but thought, “nah…they won’t be interested.” Besides, their stories are far more interesting than what I had to say. So anyway, while one of them was telling her story about this common friend of ours, my mind wandered. And I looked at each one of them and thought: “Will they cry if I die? I mean really cry and be hurt and be miserable because of my lost?” Geez, the thoughts inside my head were just swirling away into the wind. Maybe they will cry but they will not be miserable. They will move on. Eventually a day or two.

That same night, someone texted me: "Hi 2 days ka nang parang sad ha. Hope all is well. Although i respect ur privacy. D2 lng me just a txt away. Godbless". I did not reply.

After the crazy thoughts. Each of us had a couple of SMB before we called it a night. We need to go to work the next day. One thing I realized that night though, I miss being drunk!