Will they cry if I die?

I was at Bali Hai last night with friends and co-writers from graduate school. I haven’t seen them for awhile and finding a schedule for us to meet was just a pain in the ass. I am usually not around or someone is. Until last night.

In the midst of those shimmering, gold hanging ornaments and the mood-like atmosphere of Bali, each of us told our stories, vented, updated. I also wanted to vent but had second thoughts about it. I am really selfish when it comes to sharing my deepest thoughts in a crowd. I get intimidated by the anticipated reactions. I wanted to tell them what has been bothering me for the longest time, but thought, “nah…they won’t be interested.” Besides, their stories are far more interesting than what I had to say. So anyway, while one of them was telling her story about this common friend of ours, my mind wandered. And I looked at each one of them and thought: “Will they cry if I die? I mean really cry and be hurt and be miserable because of my lost?” Geez, the thoughts inside my head were just swirling away into the wind. Maybe they will cry but they will not be miserable. They will move on. Eventually a day or two.

That same night, someone texted me: "Hi 2 days ka nang parang sad ha. Hope all is well. Although i respect ur privacy. D2 lng me just a txt away. Godbless". I did not reply.

After the crazy thoughts. Each of us had a couple of SMB before we called it a night. We need to go to work the next day. One thing I realized that night though, I miss being drunk!

A glimpse of the moon

A few minutes ago, I wrote:
Walking from this narrow, winding path
Cold wind numbing my cheeks
Against the dusky sky, denuded tree
I caught a glimpse of the moon
and amazingly—it looked back.

So why is it that I remember you every time I see the moon?

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The fallen

You fall from a height unimaginable
You wait until the earth is felt
The wind blows and you're taken to some distance
And then you wait, you wait—
Until life takes you away.

~raytsdc/@theedge/60410

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my spirit is at the ground level. never felt this low. desolation is a pain in the ass. and it doesn't help that i've been listening to corrinne may for days now. heck.

And rear aloft its stark and hopeless branches

My life is a dead tree, Spring is a mockery to it. I am re-echoing a poem by Thomas E. Moore. It’s just that I feel like a tree being pulled off from its soil, its natural surrounding and left to wither and die. Or worst, a dead tree axed for firewood. At least the latter found some use to its existence.

It’s just that I always end up being remiss. How could a nice, timely topic end up being so decisive? Hello, I was just trying to start an engaging conversation.

Plummet

I feel like plunging into a pool of raindrops, meticulously gathered to bring confort to a distressed soul like me. Inhaling its soul hoping that the next time I wake up, I am part of that little, inconspicuous committee that god created to bathe the earth. I've been looking at the same wet, raindrops-filled window everyday. I don't know which is better, workloads pouring at my face like hell and always beating the deadlines or seeing my boots get soaked in the mud every morning. The only thing that keeps me sane this day is the thought that on the 16th, I might be seeing you, giving me the chance to taunt and tease you (again).

Trying the reverse bungy

“Every man has the right to risk his own life in order to preserve it. Has it ever been said that a man who throws himself out the window to escape from a fire is guilty of suicide?”

G-max is open until 2 am.

You pay at the ticket booth. They offer special packages including momentos for the ride i.e., video recording, shirts, caps, etc.

Two gantry towers mounted on a platform.

The video recording was not working when we got there so we could not avail of their combo package (which included the momentos) so we just paid for the ride.

We were on a queue and found my legs weakened as I watched the passengers inside a metal spherical car being thrown into the air. I heard people’s scream faded into the wind as they were being vertically catapulted at 200 km per hour in a dazzling height of 60 meters from the ground. “What if die?” I told myself. Fear was painted all over my face. I looked around and found that, it was just me, Oki, and a White kid on the queue. Nyar! There were more spectators than people wanting to try it. Not far from us, a group of young Filipinos were cheering us. “Go, go, kaya n’yo yan!” (Go, go, you can do it!). I tried boosting my puny confidence and convinced myself that everything would be okay. Besides, our rides have already been paid. We didn’t fly all the way to Singapore just to chicken out!

It was actually Oki’s idea to try the G-Max Reverse Bungy. She obviously likes the fun thrill. She signed up to skydive in Subic last year and will probably fly to Chang Mai this year to bungee jump. I will try to see first if she’ll come out of it alive and maybe convince myself to do it too. But for now, reverse bungy/bungee is more than enough.

“Who wants to go next?” the guy who was assisting the passengers asked.

We live only once and NOT being able to do it when I already had the chance is way beyond me.

I gulped as we went into the platform. The guy had our safety belts and latches locked. I asked the guy who was assisting us if someone had already died from this ride (a stupid thing to ask really) and he said, “G-Max is 100% safety record.” He said it like a template, which worried me more. Crazy hell, my head was in a fuzz as we waited for the launch. Right at that moment, I was thinking of my poor, innocent mother. She doesn’t even know I was in another country with a half chance of (maybe) not coming back to her alive. It amazes me how imaginative and exagerated I could I be when I am freaked out and scared. Wah!

I believed they’ve arranged us by weight for stability. I was in the middle. On my left was Oki and on my right was this kid who was being chatty and made sure this ride would be my most memorable one. I was so caught up with my own fears that I barely understood what he was telling me. All I got was that, it was his second time riding the bungee and he was all so looking cool about it.

The kid was counting from 1 to 10 while the operator waited to turn the electro-magnetic latch that would launch us into nowhere. After the “go sign” we were catapulted into heights with a g-force. It was then that I started screaming. At 200km/hr I was belting on top of my lungs. I was hoping not to die that night. No kidding.

Oki and the kid were looking so damn cool about it. What the heck. After three throws, and several bounces, we were lulled into the air 60 meters high and the kid would talk to me, saying: “What would happen if by bad luck the ropes malfunctioned and separated from the passenger spheres? We would fall and then all of a sudden a big bird would come and get us!” He was describing the ‘what if’ to me so vividly that abruptly I told him to shut up. But he would not. He continued to torture me with his vivid descriptions. Ah, kids!

Until finally, the ropes relaxed and we were lowered back into our launch position. The ride was chaotic and disorienting. The force and the strong wind completed the thrill. My heart simply would not pacify. I enjoyed screaming though. God, I had a nice belting power!

I didn’t have the stamina to take pictures but basically, this is how reverse bungy works.

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