And the heart says: "Don't condemn your feelings"

The mind retorts: "Not even for the condemnatory ones?"

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[postscript:]

The day he went for that 3-day vacation, I felt a pang of jealousy. He will be having a grand time in a paradise-like white sandy beach while I was stuck in the office doing loads of OT. But then again, at the back of my mind, I knew that of all people, he deserved that break. "Kaw nga dami mo nang napuntahan eh!" he told me. The "jealousy" came out of nowhere really. It's just that the place is full of "cheesecakes" and I wasn't there and I would only be wondering what will happen in that very "conducive" paradise like beach.

I sent him an SMS the other day asking if he enjoyed his vacation. He affirmed. I asked him: "Naglakad ka ba sa buhangin ng nakatapak para ma-feel mo ang powdery sands?" He texted back: "Yes, first thing we did was walk barefoot on the sand" (and concluded it with a smiley). I dunno, but my heart sank that day.

In the zone

There are things you realized when you are “in the zone”. Unfortunately for me, that particular moment always happens while I am in the comfort room. And it’s funny because I often end up crying afterwards. This frickin' head of mine always works on the double when I am sitting on that throne. It’s just that the moment I sit, flashes of memories came rushing in and by the minute I am in my zone (going back to places but in most cases, creating instances that never even happened). And then with some bizarre maneuvering, a certain memory often comes with a frickin’ soundtrack. What the hell is wrong with me? Like yesterday, I think I cried the whole frickin’ hour inside the comfort room. A memory of a guy flashed before me. At the background was Donny Gerrard singing “For Just a Moment” from the OST of one of my all-time favorite movies from the 80s, St. Elmo’s Fire. Geesuz, why that of all songs. This song has that particular power to "kill me" with despair. Suddenly Kevin Dolenz’s character came to me.

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And rear aloft its stark and hopeless branches

My life is a dead tree, Spring is a mockery to it. I am re-echoing a poem by Thomas E. Moore. It’s just that I feel like a tree being pulled off from its soil, its natural surrounding and left to wither and die. Or worst, a dead tree axed for firewood. At least the latter found some use to its existence.

It’s just that I always end up being remiss. How could a nice, timely topic end up being so decisive? Hello, I was just trying to start an engaging conversation.

Canigao Island: Almost like Potipot but NOT quite

View of the whole Canigao Island from Brgy Itom with the lighthouse at the far, right side.

Every time I go and explore a new place, I try to find certain uniqueness to it. Going to Canigao Island reminded me of my travel to Potipot Island in Zambales. The resemblance is hard to miss but Canigao has its own unique beauty to show off.

The long stretch of white sandy beach.

Canigao Island is located in Brgy Itom, a fishing village in Matalom, Leyte (East Central Philippines). It’s around 4-5 hours ride from Tacloban City, the capital of Northern Leyte. In Brgy. Itom we hired a boat that would take us to the island. It took us less than 10 minutes to get there. Getting near the island, I got excited as I saw the long stretch of white sand and the blue clear water.

The water is pristine in Canigao.

There is no electricity in the island. But it has a prominent solar-powered lighthouse that becomes prominent as our boat approaches the shore. The moment that we got off, I immediately looked at the quality of the sand in Canigao. It was off white. Boracay sand is finer and more bleached. What struck me are the “facilities” available in the island. There were sari-sari stores, huts and cottages. The resort is LGU-owned and requires everyone a minimal entrance fee. The huts and other housing facility range from 300-700 pesos but one is allowed to camp out if you have no money.

The newly-painted solar-powered lighthouse located at the back of the island.

I looked around and found people enjoying the beach. It was Sunday when we arrived there so obviously a lot of people were making the most of the long weekend.

Beach bummers having photo op behind the signage. Oki and Deb are waiting for their turn.

Aside from the white sandy beach, the island is a sanctuary of coral reefs, sand bars, fishes, and other species. The island is also rich in vegetation so it’s nice to sit and relax under a tree and watch the sea.

It was way passed noon and the sun was scorching hot. The contrast was nice though, a good opportunity to take more postercard-like photos of the island.

That's me enjoying the scene. I wasn't able to bring my tripod but I found a nice, stable spot to place my heavy camera. :-)

Just like what I did in Potipot Island, I tried exploring the whole area, taking photos of every thing and any thing that caught my interest. It took me at least an hour and a half to finish the 360 degree turn. You can walk around the whole island in 30 minutes (more or less). Half of the route, I decided to rest for awhile and enjoy what nature has to offer--the white sand, the pristine water, the blue sky, the lush vegetation, wild flowers, people passing by, dead trees, falling leaves, floating branches, seaweeds, shells, colorful pebbles...and more.

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[To get to Canigao Island:]

Take the flight from Manila to Tacloban City Airport. From Tacloban City, go to the Van-Van's Terminal and buy a ticket ride going to Maasin City, the capital of Southern Leyte. This terminal provides an airconditioned van ride to Matalom which is more comfortable than taking the bus. Tell the driver to drop you at Brgy Itom.

From the highway, hire a pedicab that will bring you to MB San Pedro de Nonok and look for Sayong Daño. From there, you can hire a boat to bring you to Canigao Island. The boat ride costs 450 pesos (two-way, minimum fare). Entrance fee is 10 pesos for adult and 5 pesos for a child.

In search for Canigao Island

Canigao Island is 5-7 minutes boat ride from Brgy. Maitum in Matalom, Leyte

Some weeks ago, the four of us—Etch, Deb, Oki and I— planned to have a short vacation. We have had several activities at the office prior to that and thought that maybe we could give ourselves a break (even for a few days). Just US girls.

We had an official travel in Dumaguete City for a CPAR project review. Knowing it will be Dumaguete City, we got excited and decided to extend our stay. We all thought, “This is the perfect place to unwind!” None of us have been there.

A few days after our SO was finalized and signed, we were informed that the Dumaguete trip was canceled and that the review will be held in Tacloban City instead. Geezus. What to do in Tacloban? Where to go? This is my second time in Tacloban City and I had the chance to explore the place already. Disillusioned, we wanted to scrap our previous plan of extending the trip.

A few days prior to our flight, I saw Pat browsing his friend’s FB account. He was looking into these beautiful photos of a beach with a long stretch of white sand. Immediately, I asked him, “Pat, saan yan?” (Pat, where is that?). He said, it was somewhere in Leyte. He was not sure where exactly in Leyte but I got curious that I asked Etch if she knew the place. The stars came shining on me. A few days after, we were heading for Canigao Island in Matalom, Leyte.

Etch got sick two days before and could not go out of her bed. She practically stayed the last day of the review in the hotel and opted to stay at her brother's house during the extension of our trip. She got the cough and colds from me. I was sick when I arrived in Tacloban but tried to fight it. I was taking notes during the meeting with burning eyes and a dry cough. Jeezus. I think the "hot bath" helped a lot in my recovery.

So anyway, cutting this prelude short… we were in Canigao Island that one, fine, sunny Sunday morning.

I will tell you more about our trip in my next post.

While rain pours in Luzon, it was scorching hot in the Visayas...

Early morning today I received a text from my sister that typhoon Santi was causing some damage in LB. Water has gone inside our house and that they have no electricity. I looked around and found the sunstreaks pricking my eyes. It was only 7:45 in the morning in Babatngon, Leyte but it was already scorching hot. There's scarcely a network coverage in the area so I went around desperate to get even a bar of of signal for my mobile phone. There was none. I just waited until we get to Basey in Eastern Samar.

Two of my friends and I were off to Sotohan Cave that early morning. Yesterday we explored Pearl Island in Guiuan to see how precious pearls and huge clams are being cultured in the area and proceeded to Surf Camp not to surf but to watch the huge waves on a viewdeck where one can see the whole open sea.

Tomorrow we're off to this Island.....

photo snatched from http://farm4.static.flickr.com

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Still NO PHOTO to post today. I am in the same Internet cafe which I go to every now and then, after the driver banked us into the hotel. The cafe is a few walks away from where we are staying so it's convenient for us. I've been in Tacloban City, crossing Samar and Leyte Islands, for six days now. Two more days to go and we're back in the city. I hope that Santi is gone by the time we come back in Quezon City.

***

There's a lady at the back of our cubes talking to her foreign "lovey-dovey" in a loud voice. I say he's a foreigner because the lady speaks English in a prominent Visayan accent. I don't want to listen but she speaks so loudly that everyone in the cafe seems to know what's going on with her and the "guy." :-D

Happy Halloween everyone!

My solitary recluse

How nice it would be—
to be unreceptive to the people you care about, to be cold and distant
to just be silent and lonely without explaining why
and they would wait ‘till I come back to my old self
and understand if I didn’t.

How nice it would be—
to wallow for days and not to be accused of being overly dramatic about it
to be sappy over a song because it pricks your heart when you listen to it
to look at someone’s face for hours without being reproached for swooning
or to just be in a trance because you're thinking of someone.

How nice it would be—
to be in the street
to be with strangers
to be sitting on a bench
not minding if it will rain or not.

How nice it would be—
to feel lonesome today and to be okay tomorrow.

~rayts~

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Potipot 03: We find solace even in those that we think are “dead”

When I said Potipot is the most poetic place I have ever seen, I meant it for the place’s imageries. Like a poet searching for the right metaphor, Potipot is nothing but that. But I am no poet, but I am most happy when I say and compose words that mean more than what they really mean. To you, to me …words don’t mean nothing unless they pertain to a certain feeling.

Potipot Island offers a lot of photographic moments. The place is photogenic in the sense that it does not only offer a postercard-like images that you could show to your friends after you have been there, but to me—the island offers the best solace. And it’s very likely that I have found them in that idyllic side of the island.

My life is a dead tree;
Verdant is a mockery to it.

Lucky are those five leaves that remain--
for they never fail to take
my breath away.

I look at them and you
hoping to see--

perhaps a glimmer of life.

Laguidly, I walk...

finding solace in everything I see

--most of them lifeless.

most of them like me,

meandering

wanting, waiting.

I walk some more

wishing myself a company;

Until such light mellowed.

Perhaps tomorrow--

I will see them again,

branches standing defiantly

against the sun.

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[Postscript:]

I don't see the point of offering 'comfort' to someone who is in his/her stark moment when you yourself is vulnerable. I get the point of "been there, done that". People cope with their problems differently. What suits you may not be suitable for others. I will not argue with your "best intensions" for they are yours to justify. But don't question me when I say, "I will have to beg off from this one." I will choose not to rub the salt on the wound.

Potipot 02: The slipper that was washed ashore

At first, there were the two of them. complete. inseperable. in sync.

Things happen, one has to leave. And the pair was broken.

It was washed ashore. Slowly. In their lull moments, it happened.

...and so there was only ONE.

I was like this slipper that was washed ashore…

Although I was with a group when I went to Potipot Island, I enjoyed a great moment of solitude when I was there. It was just me and my camera. I think I did plan of enjoying the beach not until I saw and experienced how harsh the heat of the sun was. Besides, if I opted to swim, I wouldn’t be able to take as much photos as I needed.

I honestly enjoy being my friends’ photographer, being called here and there to take their photos. At the end of the day, I was already beaten down. I was dragging my tripod while walking languidly on the sinking white sand. It was just like that other pair of slipper who got washed ashore.

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[postscript:]

i watch you. i see you. i hear you. i smell you. your presence. your whole you.

in my dreams, you were talking to me and i was looking the other way. and so, when it was my turn to look, you were definitely gone.

I will always follow your lead...

…even though the distance turns into miles.

And if I don’t see you, I will look for your footprints and pray to God that they would not be easily washed ashore.

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[postscript:]

Have you ever thought about what protects our hearts?
Just a cage of rib bones and other various parts.
So it's fairly simple to cut right through the mess
And to stop the muscle that makes us confess.

I am so into Ingrid Michaelson lately. Her thoughts are bending, her lyrics seamless.

Potipot 01: An island so small you could scoop it with your hand :-D

We seek solace in the things that remind us of how “small” we are in this world. Somehow, it keeps us grounded to know that these small parts make this enormous world whole and perfect.

When Charl asked me to join her trip to Potipot Island, I didn’t think twice. She would be accompanying some Chinese friends from her office to spend the whole weekend in Potipot and back to Shenzhen on Monday. This trip enabled me to meet a classmate from college whom I haven’t seen for ages. She got married last year.

View of Potipot Island from Uacon, Candelaria, Zambales

Potipot Island is around one kilometer from the mainland shore of Uacon in Candelaria, Zambales. Uacon is 240 plus km from Manila or five traveling hours by land.

Entrance going to Sun Bloom Resort in Uacon

There are no resorts in Potipot Island so visitors usually stay in Uacon and just hire boat to take them to the island. In Uacon, we stayed at Sun Bloom Resort, a very homey place with all the necessary amenities. The staff are friendly and the rooms are relatively clean and convenient. You can bring your food and cook them in the resort before heading to Potipot. If you plan on spending the whole night in the island, then you need to bring more food since there are no stores there.

To reach the island, we had to ride a small boat. It would only take 5 minutes to get there.

The water was cold and refreshing, a good way to beat the summer heat. :-)

By boat, we reached Potipot Island in five minutes (or less). We paid 400 pesos for the boat ride (roundtrip) which can accommodate 5-7 persons. In that short of time, my eyes were able to feast on the long stretch of white sands that surround the island. The clear water was calm and the lush vegetation and trees provide shade while strolling under the summer heat.

A peak of the long stretch of white sand , just a few feet away to the shore.

When we reached the shore, we were met by a lady who collected fifty pesos (P50/head) for the entrance fee. For an overnight, you have to pay 100 pesos. The small tables and benches are free but for the cottage, you have to pay 500 pesos.

White beach meets lush green trees.

After settling our fees, my companions immediately hopped in their swimming attires and hit the beach. Our Chinese friends looked excited and happy. Some of them have been enjoying what the Philippines has to offer having already visited Bohol and Palawan last year. One of them has nothing to say about Potipot but “Oh wow, beautiful, beautiful!” Of course I felt proud to hear and look at them in great awe.

One of our Chinese friends enjoying the clear, calm water.

While they were plunging into the beach trying to ease the effect of the summer heat, I started my stroll around the island. They say that one can finish the whole round in the island in 30 minutes. With a camera, a tripod, a hat, a scarf, and an umbrella, I took as much photos as I could gather. People were looking strangely at me but I did not care. I hate getting sunburn, it’s itchy and it’s painful so I’d rather look foolish than get sun cooked.

A bench under a shady tree that faces the vast blue sea--the best set-up to meander and daydream!

A lady in deep thought while enjoying the sun.

Even though Potipot Island is small, there were so much activities going around: men fishing under the beating heat of the sun, people strolling and taking photos, people meandering while enjoying the vastness of the sea, group of young people collecting sea shells, and more.

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[Postscript:]

Paano ko ba sasabihin na nasasaktan ako para sa' yo? Na alam kong kahit nakangiti ka at nakiki-tukso, kitang-kita ko ang labis na kalungkutan sa mga mata mo :-(

I say Potipot Island is the most 'poetic' place i have ever seen (and that's me being super-emo again!)

The long stretch of white sand in Potipot Island is a feast to my eyes.

Did I say the water is clear in Potipot Island?

I always say, "Different beaches for Different folks!"

Certain place appeals to people in different ways. If you say Boracay Island is pretty, I would not have disagreed. But certainly, I could give a different perspective of why I would prefer, say, Sangat Island in Coron, Palawan over a foretaste of your favorite white powdery sand in Boracay. Sangat is both beautiful and peaceful. Least to say, I enjoy a piece of myself there than anywhere I have ever been. I would not have enjoy that much in Boracay (or maybe I could) but you get my point right? You will only "feel" a place once you get there. Most of the time, I associate a visit to a new place through a particular emotion. That's how I describe a place.

Potipot Island is no different.

My friends who knew I went there during the weekend asked me straight away. “How was Potipot?” My answer was unanimous. Potipot is photogenic! Now some people took it in a positive tone, but those who (really) knew me, knows there is (always) an underlying meaning to my rather inert statement. Go figure. Or maybe I should have said: Just look at the pictures and imagine yourself there.

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"I am heading to a place where the water is blue"

My life
You electrify my life
Let's conspire to ignite
All the souls that would die just to feel alive

~ Starlight, MUSE~

Yes I will. And I will be bringing Muse's cd to accompany me. Me and my miserable self.

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[postscript]

i think i like watching your every reaction. was it an annoyance i see? and you think you're the only one who has the right to ignore people? i forgot to inform you--i am all good with silent wars. silence has always been my best defence.

Stirring the still water

It was fun watching you—all looking so comfortable and silent in your own little world. Once in awhile you would throw a few glances at people, all feeling nonchalant. You would answer in two words for a question that was answerable by at least a sentence or an “Err, I think so” instead of telling your whole thoughts.

But lately, I am noticing something. It looks like someone is causing a stir. Am I seeing it for real? She calls your name and suddenly, the once still water is all looking very enthused and concerned.

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Staying behind

Staying behind from the pack enables me to see the whole picture, particularly those that I am bound to miss when I am in front. I stay behind so that I could observe you— how you move, which way you go, who you stare at, who you talk to, for how long, why…

but mostly, I stay behind so that I would know when’s the time that you look back and finally notice me from the crowd.

"Hello, tumingin ka naman sa likod kahit paminsan-minsan!"

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Of Silhouette and Sunset

Charlotte, a friend of mine who works in China, was here a couple of weeks ago. Making the most of her 14-day Christmas vacation in the country, we went to a beach. Not to take a splash really but just to watch the sunset. It was more of a whim on my part than her or Tet who was also with us during the road trip. Our initial plan was to go to Caleruega, and had nowhere to go after that so I suggested that we wind away our time watching the sunset at a nearest beach. It was here that I asked Charl to pose a silhouette for me.

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Every day I wake up and it's Sunday

Whatever's in my head won't go away

The radio is playing all the usual

What's a Wonderwall anyway?

~from Travis' Writing to Reach You~

We often see the truth about ourselves in the most strangest way

You ever look a picture of yourself, and see a stranger in the background? It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you. How many moments of other peoples life have we been in. Were we a part of someone's life when their dream came true or were we there when their dream died. Did we keep trying to get in? As if we were somehow destined to be there or did the shot take us by surprise. Just think, you could be a big part of someone else’s life, and not even know it.

- Lucas Scott, One Tree Hill-

Anyway, I had to see myself through Jay's dark eyeglasses while we're fighting the strong wind and the huge waves on our way to Banol Beach.

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Exploring Bangui Wind Mills in various angles

I got fixated with the idea of capturing the Bangui Wind Mills in its most unusual stance that I have exhausted my effort in getting it in various angles. The task was exhausting but how will I achieve something if I didn't explore, right? Some things are worth giving a shot even if it means being pooped at the end of the day.

The road leading to the Bangui Wind Mills

My first day at the wind farm, we went by the Burgos town proper and headed for the Bangui Bay via the first directional marker we spotted. We passed through a gravel road all the way to a downward slope going down to the beach. From inside the car, I could already see the wind mills. The first thing I did was to capture the wind mills from the car, the road leading to the beach.

The Bangui Wind Mill from the observation deck

On my second day, we proceeded first to the Bangui Bay observation deck. The marker is easy to miss but since our driver knew where we are heading, it was easy to track which side of the road we’re gonna set off. From the viewdeck, the spaces between the 15 turbines are easy to notice. There’s not much room for creative shots here because the angle is very limited. Either you take from each side or the center. Or could be that I wasn’t just being creative enough.

The Bangui Wind Mills from the east side of the beach

From the viewdeck, we passed by the Baruyen Bridge wherein another marker is in placed. We headed for the beach to get a closer encounter at the windmills. We passed by this one big house surrounded by a long line of fence. On the left are the colossal windmills grinding their blades with the wind.

David and Goliath. I asked Jay to stand beside one of the windmills to compare sizes.

Standing underneath the windmill felt too good to be true. It’s so huge. I asked Jay to pose at the base of the windmill for size comparison. Going through some Internet searching, I found out that each of the 15 turbines is 70 meters high which is roughly equivalent to a 23-storey building.. Each blade is 41 meters long which is almost the size of an Olympic sized pool (which is 50 meters long).

When the wind blows, either we take it or we go against it

The Bangui Wind Mill is perhaps one of the most photographed places in the province of Ilocos Norte so it was quite a challenge for every photographer to get an angle that is far from being ordinary (or at least an angle that we don't normally see in postcards).

On different days, I went to the Wind Farm twice. One in the morning via the Bangui Bay observation deck and another during the late afternoon via the beach to see these gigantic wind monster upclose.

In the relevancy of the issue of climate change, visiting the Bangui Wind Mill is literally a ‘breath of fresh air’. The 15 turbines installed on-shore were arranged in a single row and in equal spaces apart. The direction of the wind comes mostly from the northeast optimizing the full benefit of the wind which comes from the bay to towards the land. Low carbon technology like the windmill helps in reducing the emission of harmful greenhouse gases that cause global warming. Likewise, it hastens and facilitates government’s program on augmenting power source in the rural areas.

The Bangui Wind Mill from the west side (facing the bay) via the first marker route going to the downward slope to the beach.

This shot was taken in the late afternoon. I was hoping to get a good sunset. But sunset was nowhere good that day. Literally, the wind was blowing hard on me that I could hardly get a good bearing to take a decent shot. My hair was getting wild, the sea water was ecstatic splashing hard on the sand. The only consolotion is that, it was just us in the beach so there were no people to obstruct my frame.

The Bangui Wind Mill at the background from the east side of the beach going coming from the observation deck.

The next day, I went there again using a different route. This time I explored the east side of the beach going down from the observation deck. It was a hot day and the sunstreaks were perforating on my skin. Upclose, the turbines are extremely huge that it won't even fit into my frame. I felt like I was looking up at a giant robot waiting to slice me in half. Then I found these long lines of thorns just near the shore and thought of the above shot.

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Postscript:

[Visayas Avenue, sa isang sulok]
ang sakit pala magpanggap. yung magkunwaring masaya ka. patawa-tawa. kunwari wala lang. nakikibiro pero ang totoo gusto nang manapak ng mukha. tumatawa sa jokes. kahit tila kumikibot-kibot ang panga sa pigil. pigil na di maiyak. pigil na wag mainggit. dapat wala nang tapunan ng pansin. kung bakit pinapansin pa. lumalayo na nga. bakit kase hindi na lang hayaan sa sulok. sana di mo na lang ako pinuri. mas type ko ang mga asaran. kahit papaano may dahilan ako. dahilan para umiyak. naknakan.

Looking the other way

We passed by Tanjung Aru Beach for the second time. It’s one of the most popular spots in KK where one can relax and enjoy the view. It’s well known for its spectacular sunset. But we’re too early to catch the sunset so Charl and I just enjoyed what this place has to offer. I asked Charl to stand by the tree so I could take her photo but there was this man standing at the background. He was solidly standing on his spot, looking at the vast sea. When I hit the shutter, he looked the other way.

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[fragmented thoughts]:

that day was particularly silent. my thoughts were in a warfare. i sat by the window. only the sound of leaves flapping with the strong wind. the rain was splashing through the glass. but i could not hear a sound. i just watched in silent. once again, i am enamored by a memory.