Monday, March 3, 2008

Random, bad, nonsensical, (sometimes) evil thoughts

a tip toe into the rough sand

You can run, but you can't hide.

I am supposed to start posting my next travelogue but opted to compose this ‘nonsensical blab’ instead. I just wanted to write them down and get it over it. I couldn’t promise any coherence or logic. But allow me such indulgence.

I keep hearing my boss badmouthing someone on the phone and it irks me.

And then his friend comes to his cubicle (which is just a wall away from mine so that I could hear everything, even though I don’t like to hear any of his business). My boss tells the story about this person he’s badmouthing and the two of them start to talk in such a conniving way. I noticed that this has become an annoying habit of theirs everytime my boss gets irritated to someone. Most of the time, I also don’t like the people he is badmouthing but that doesn't give him any reason to talk behind people’s back. And must I hear every detail of what they’re talking? It's like I am an accessory to his crime. I love playing innocent all the time. But sometimes, the extra baggage gets to me. I should get a new earphone, immediately.

I hate it when my boss laughs. Most of all, I hate it whenever he insists that I maintain his PhD in his byline. Everyone knows he’s got PhD, what is the fuss? I wonder if all PhD people have this kind of attitude.

Someone said a lot of “sorry” to me. He apologized via text and did it again personally. What he has done is way beyond me. And I hated his guts for doing it. Well, he’s drunk what can I do? I guess alcohol puts a tinge of that evil side in all of us and it comes out when we’re drunk. A tinge of that is toxic and even though it sprinkles in small dosage, it's enough to kill a heart. He still sees it as a joke but we didn’t find it funny. I did not find it funny. So anyway, I accepted his apology. What can I do? I hated the fact that I hate someone. I am having a hard time finishing my work. I cannot concentrate. I have forgiven him, but I haven’t forgotten what he did. I just don’t see the point of not getting along with the person whom I chose to be my friend in the first place.

I need to write 4,000-word essays on the topic of childhood memories. It doesn’t have to be all true so I thought, “this would be easy.” But for the last couple of days, I’ve been trying to write but I couldn’t. I started with a few words and ended up with a blank page all over again. I hated not being in the mood. One more thing, I couldn’t even remember anything from my childhood that is worthy of writing.

I ought to get a bike! A road bike!

What is more frustrating than wanting to go somewhere but could not?

I wanted to travel badly, but my mother squandered all my money! Well, she didn’t. I gave it to her, so she could invest it for me wisely. And she did. Now I don’t have anything to squander.

I wanted to learn a new language. Forget about French. I don’t know if I could start all over again but I really wanted to learn Hangul. And I wanted to go to Seoul and witness my first winter there. I have never experienced winter and for someone who lives almost all her life in a tropical country, the word winter is next to impossible.

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8 comments:

Ferdz said...

Hey! it feels good to just blabber and let it all out once in a while. Hehe.

Naku, too much information you don't want. better get an mp3 player to block out those unwanted noise.

Ako rin, gusto ko makaranas o makakakita ng actual snow and mambato ng snow. hehe

Anonymous said...

Let's go to Korea, adjumma! Pero whitewater rafting muna tayo sa Chico river.

--oki

pieterbie said...

wow, your little thoughts seem to be going just a little bit all over the place in this post.
Alcohol and work is indeed not a good combination. Bosses foul mouting, not a good idea.
I can understand your frustration.
Digging up the childhood memories should not be such a bad idea.
I was looking for an English expression today, and I couldn't find it. Went to see my assistant, she couldn't think of the word either. So I started telling of how the Greater London area reminded me of the expression I was looking for and how I used to take the buss to Chessington Zoo with my mother when I was little. And you had "Compulsary" and "Other" buss stops, only I have forgotten what "Other" used to be. Today they call them "Request" stops, but I'm sure there was another term when I was young.
Any ideas?

Jim said...

I think those who think that their PhD makes them a different kind of person is 'only in the Philippines' I noticed, however, that most of my western colleagues don't mind you missing out their PhD title--we all eat and shit anyway. ;)

As to writing about your childhood, try free writing. It might spark something and clear those 'cobwebs' blocking your memory.

As to language... how 'bout learning Chinese--who knows you might end up mediating a deal between your boss and another Chinese counterpart--LOL!! joke.

Toe said...

All those musings in your head just raring to get out! That really is a good thing to do.

Pero nakakatawa yung mga musings mo... especially about your mother squandering your money by investing it. :)

You're a free spirit Rayts!

Sidney said...

Nice train of thoughts... a voyage through you mind and feelings...

my gulch said...

@Ferdz:
feels good talaga.kahit papaano nawawala yung stress and tension. how nice it would be to have a magical earphone that will automatically screen all the bad vibes and will let me hear all the things I needed to hear.

@Oki:
jinjha?! adjumma ka dyan. unni tawag mo sa akin... :p

@peter:
they are all over the place. i love freestyle writing. you just write whatever you think regardless of coherence and logic. trashing everything they teach you in writing class.

about the English expression...hmm. request stops? flag stops? sorry no idea. we only have what we call as Bus Stop and people here don't know how to make sense of that. least to say, we find no use to it here as most bus drivers are a wreck.

@Jim:
hehe. most probably. boss ko lang ata ang ganun. isa pa, napansin ko din na kapag nag MS or Phd ka sa UP at di doon ang undergrad mo, sila usually ang mahilig magdiin na sa UP sila nag-aaral. kase yung mga kilala ko na UP grad, sila pa yung umiiwas na hindi malink sa school na yun. example, may tinanong ako. "san ka gradweyt?" pagsumagot ng "dyan lang!" malamang UP grad yun. gets mo? well, at least sa opis ganun ang culture. and since puro UP grad mga tao dito, we never talk about it. and usual na nag-uusap ng tungkol sa skuls na pinanggalingan ay yung mga kumukuha ng grad studies sa UP at di talaga sa UP kumuha ng undergrad. ganun. sorry mukhang walang sense ang mga sinasabi ko dito. hay.

di pa rin ako nakakasulat ng childhood memories ko. siguro wala akong childhood no? hehe. nonesense na naman.

@Toe:
hehe. nanay ko mahilig madispalko ng salapi ko. joke lang. super bait ng nanay ko. maliban sa kulot na buhok, sa kanya ako nagmana. super.

@Sidney:
yea...super toxic too. :-D

kyels said...

It's good to let off steam sometimes b/c we all need a outlet to let go and be vulnerable for a while.

:)

Love the photo!

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