Monday, June 30, 2008

Let no one who loves be unhappy, even love unreturned has its rainbow

a girl inside a cable car

Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.

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You know how sometimes you wake up in the middle of the night, not exactly knowing why. You slept very late but then you wake up and found tons of thoughts drifting away like hell. They easily disintegrate even before you can make some sense out of it. And why is it that you always get caught up in a mess that you're not supposed to be included in the first place? Why?

Someone told me once that "I walk like a duck." I was in elementary. I got so conscious that I tried changing it. The guy was a jerk and he hated me for hating him. But I opted to change. I guess, for a girl my age, walking like a duck is not the coolest thing.

Recently, someone accused me of "not listening enough" whenever he pours out his heart to me. He has a point. Listening to his past lovers and how he couldn't get over them just bores me at times. I don't even know why he's telling all these things to me. I never asked about his private life, anyway. And I thought I was a good listener. I felt guilty afterwards that I tried listening more to his stories. I tried looking more into his eyes whenever he speaks of his ex.

Why do I have to change everytime someone tries to pick on my peculiarities? Why am I always conscious? guilty? I guess it boils down to one, little detail which I failed to tell you. These people who always pick on me, I care for them the most. Thus, whatever they say, they will ALWAYS affect me.

4 comments:

Ferdz said...

ang lalim, but I like the drama of the picture. Love the lighting pati yung patterns sa wall adds to the texture. Again very emotional writing.

pieterbie said...

Great picture this, geeat drama indeed.
You have to be a martyr to have to listen attentatively to a man going on about his former partner.
I don't know many women who could sit something like that out.
So don't worry about it.
It is your right to want to listen or not want to listen.
After all, you are not a priest who has to take confessions.
Since when did you start worrying about what people think of you anyway?
It worries me :-)

my gulch said...

@Ferdz: hehe lalim ba? ang drama ng epek ko lately, hehe. don't dig in too much. sometimes, i get caught up with too much thinking myself that i don't see the point. or at least the point why i had to make a whole entry for it. thanks for appreciating the image.

@Peter:
a martyr? i guess i am that woman. i could sit and just listen for one whole day without talking, just listening. i think i could do that. but you know, i am often caught up with my own musings too, thus, sometimes it's just hard to concentrate. you know how i always feel like i am in a trance most of the time? in local term we call it, tumunganga...

Since when did you start worrying about what people think of you anyway?
--> if it's someone i care about (or at least their opinions matter to me), i guess, whatever they say, it will always affect me. and at one point, i will try to change.

Toe said...

You know who your friends are because they're the ones who encourage you, who love you no matter who or what you are. Sometimes though, they kill your spirit because of criticisms, even if they're well-meant.

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