I didn't want my picture taken because I was going to cry. I didn't know why I was going to cry, but I knew that if anybody spoke to me or looked at me too closely the tears would fly out of my eyes and the sobs would fly out of my throat and I'd cry for a week. I could feel the tears brimming and sloshing in me like water in a glass that is unsteady and too full.
~Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar~
[fragments of thoughts...]
... i got my passport renewed and it was delivered to me yesterday. i looked at it and got a little disappointed. my photo has (always) been a disappointment but it's more than that. it's a pathetic thought really.
... this morning, i have been thinking what is the English translation of pare. was it "brother"? in the same manner that Desmond calls Jack brother in Lost? "What's up brother?" well, this guy, he has been calling me p're for the last three years and it just amazes me how consistent he is. even in text he calls me p're. three years ago, i emailed him and called him p're and every since that day, he never stopped calling me p're.
... i miss my mother. i miss my niece. i miss LB. i miss our stinky dog.
... three weeks ago, i gave my mother a set of numbers for the lottery. i told her that it came to me in my dreams and it's crucial that she continuous to bet on it until my birthdate comes. she seems to believe me. my mother can be one of the most gullible persons in the world especially if it's me telling her stories and stuff (or at least that is what i believe). the other week, she told me she's running out of money to bet and said: Bibigay-bigay ka ng numero wala ka namang ibinibigay na pangtaya! (You're giving me numbers to bet on but you never gave me money to pay the bet!). And she said it with full conviction. I noticed her hair got curlier than ever.
... i got tons of work to do today but i opted to dilly-dally.