Was it just a coincidence that three of my friends are all heartbroken right now and that they came to me to confess? One is trying to heal from a 5-year relationship, one is trying to hopelessly get away from a married man (the first she ever loved according to her), and one who has been enduring an unrequited love (she's been loving the guy for too long, I think).
Recently, I have been shying away from this phrase: “can you keep a secret?” I have been a loyal secret keeper to the people who matter to me. It’s difficult sometimes –being the keeper of their secrets. Sometimes you wanted to reach out to them but because you need to pretend that you don’t know anything, you feel (terribly) hopeless. People who are hurting inside are probably the most vulnerable. Their hearts can be sliced at an instant even with the seemingly slight remarks or mere mention of the person who have hurt them.
This morning, as I was doing my routine at work, a friend from grad school (whom I have gotten close to in a short time) sent me a YM message. She said, “I have something to tell you!” That irky feeling came to me. "Oh not not again. Not this week!" I told myself. I was taking the hint that it might probably be about her confession about her unrequited love. For nine months, she’s been swooning on this guy who was in NZ and had desperately fallen in love with him. They've gotten close when the guy came to Manila for a short vacation. It turned out, I knew the guy. He was from my hometown and I knew him from high school. But we don't know each other on a personal level. I just recognized him from the photo which my friend showed me.
My friend told me that, finally she had the guts to confess her feelings to this guy (through an email). But she got dumped. He said he doesn’t want to cross the boundaries. He wanted for them to stay as friends. I said to myself: “Ouch! That must have (feckin) hurt!” My friend said. “No, I am okay now…I’ve gotten over the guy. I am free now!” She did the confession two weeks ago and she has moved on already? "What we have has been a hanging issue. And because he dumped me, now we have a closure. It's done and over with," she said.
She advised me: “Rayts you should do the same. You should tell him already!” Suddenly the table was turned.
I wish it was that easy. I wish I have the guts. I finally made a deal with that a long time ago. I will wait for the dew drops to fall...by then, maybe (just) maybe I would be able to do my own version of the "love letters and confessions". Thinking about it now, it feels so high school-lish!