Crushed (and probably still bleeding)

...and why you do still keep up with a feeling that brought you nothing but pain? ~ NB

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Momentarily, I caught myself in a deep thought. Apparently, he was talking to me and I was not listening. A few weeks before, he asked me about a dinner. “My treat!” he said. He has been one of the few guy friends I am genuinely fond of so not thinking twice, I told him, “Sige ba!” Besides, he's the type who rarely invites someone for a treat. I have this impression that he chooses the company he keeps. One thing I am confused of is that he rarely talks to me when I am with other people. He is one quiet fish.

He asked me to choose the place for the dinner. I went for the cheaper ones, the one where I could order a beer. Getting drunk is a good excuse to disclose certain inhibitions; but pretending to be one is a sly. Oh yea, I am a sly.

One thing I've learned lately is that when you don't want to be the topic of a conversation, make way to fish out information about the other person. Let him be the lead actor/actress. How? ASK QUESTIONS. A series if you have to. Try immitating Boy Abunda. I love his misleading questions, they always knock me off my feet. Most people rarely say: "E ikaw naman?" Most people are caught up with themselves that they would not usually bother asking the other person how they have been. These kind of people-- I call them the "I" people ---always talking about "me, me and me". Apparently, this fella is far from being an "I" person. He always finds a way to ask how I've been.

During the course of our conversation, I noticed one important thing, that no matter how much he hides it and no matter how he denies it, such pain shows. His eyes betrayed him. And I pity him, honest to god I do. He's still crushed.

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[postscript:]

i just realized that i am becoming more and more sensitive lately. must be the age. or must be because i am jealous of people literally "moving on". why am i always left behind?