I will continue to alight

Last night I wrote:
Dark clouds feed into an innuendo.
A slight shake and everything tears down.
Make or break. That’s how powerful you are.

If and when the time comes that you have to leave because you need to pursue your dreams, I will continue to alight from this wispy, dangerous ground I am standing on. Or I’ll have to forcefully glue myself into it, so as not to break and fall.

-------
[postscript]

I watched Darren Aronofsky’s The Black Swan. And I have these things to say:

I have always like Natalie Portman since her “Leon: The Professional” days but I like her even more. The Black Swan is one of those “mind fuck” flicks. Yea, I think that is how they call it. It’s a movie that makes you think from the start to the end and it plays with your mind. The movie was set according to the point-of-view of Nina, a girl with a seemingly questionable psyche, hence a slur on reality. Even the ending entices you to think. I have to watch it again.

If only to see you...

... i will turn the moon so that we'll be seeing the same side. I will buy a time even for a peep.

-------
P.S.

I am currently engrossed in reading Ha Jin's work. "Waiting" is a breeze. It's a translated work but just like Murakami's books, the words flow so naturally into my senses. I don't feel like reading at all. It's like, he was reading it to me. =)

Sometimes, you'd wish that the mind would just give up and stop thinking too much

This "sickness" is breaking me into little pieces. I dread closing my eyes. I could not make my mind to hold still. Like an anxious monkey, it keeps on swinging from one tree to the next, from one idea to another from one troubled mind to one more of that kind. Then, just as when I am about to get tired and find some sleep, there goes an awful dream. I usually forget them, but I bring them with me in my morning routine, that awful feeling of being chased by god-knows-what.

-----------

[postscript]

i could tell you names and weave a story out of them. that's how i've developed a keen ear-- by listening to your stories. i do not need notes to write down every detail. i've memorized them by heart. i even knew how and when you said those stories. i hope you've been listening to me as well, listening to my stories. because it would break my heart knowing that this friendship has always been a one-way road.

--------

for the nth time, a puzzle was taught to me, torturingly...

Catch me a fish and I promise to follow you around

i run and i follow
where your shadows go, i be
and though physical presence aborts
the mind travels—
though space says it's far-fetched.

------

About the photo: I met the boy when I was in Mindoro last week. He's probably the most elusive subject I have ever encountered. He never liked me nor my camera. He always ran away from me just as I was about to click the shutter. He moves around a lot. He loves to run around the 93 ha fishery pond which his father manages. The sun was beating me down and I could not keep up with him. Until finally, I pretended I was asleep, resting on one of the benches in front of their house and I felt that he tamed a little. A few minutes later, just as I opened my eyes, I saw him and the dog with a milkfish in its mouth--they were running towards me and presto, I got my shot. =)

-----
[postscript:]

just a few thoughts I need to vent...

- i can't sleep (again). it's now passed one in the morning and i could not feel the urge to close my eyes.

- the weeklong NBW is finally over and thought that maybe my sched would be a little lax for the coming weeks, i guess i was wrong. 3-day seminar, techno-calendar delivery, papers/assignments for my MA, 5 articles for BC and BD, 2 publications to layout...all bound for next week. blah.

- i am looking forward to our Mt. Maculot ascend this weekend. =)

- i am looking forward to see two of the most important people in my life. I miss them. For some strange reason, they remind me of the "old me" -- and why I continue to live the way I am today.

- yoga class tomorrow, finally!

- will have to stop (too) much thinking.

So near and yet so far

space is an odd thing to have
it goes beyond boundaries
you’re there—
I am here—
and yet our space never merged.

------

I touched your cheek twice. You let me. I regretted it. Now I have nothing to think about but your cheeks and that dirt on your face that I had to remove. You told me I am abnormal because I have no hairs growing on my skin. And then you touched my arm and set it against the light. "You have at least 3 hairs growing in your arms, that's about it!". You think I didn't notice? You like touching my arm.

-----

I am bothered by my friend’s dilemma. I would like to reach out to her but she would not let me. She would not even tell me things. The only reason why I am keeping myself visible online (even on a busy mode) was for her to buzz me and tell me: “hey!”